Death, Unnoticed

There's a man who works in the cafe where I work; his name is Jack. In the years I've known him, I've made a point of waving hello and sometimes stopping to chat. I believe he is developmentally disabled but not sure how or to what degree.  I have not bothered to find out.

I don't recall a particular spell in which he was uniquely absent from work or anything, but I stopped to say hi today and casually asked, "How are you doing?"  Oh the peril of casually asking someone, "How are you doing?", is that they may actually tell you.

I'm OK, he said, but could be better. I asked why, and he said, "January 20, 2011, my wife passed away." I choked up. One tear escaped, then another; here I am a total fool -- standing in the cafe, wondering who is seeing me in this condition.  It took a moment before I no longer cared.

Jack told me about his wife, Cathy. She was older than him, they were together for 34 years. He said he has his bikes to keep him company, and he has in-laws in Bremerton who still invite him over. He told me she passed in her sleep, and The Mom [that's how he put it] told him that it's very selfish of us to want someone to live if they are in "that" condition.

I don't know where I was January 20 of this year, but I know Jack will remember that day for the rest of his life. He told me he has a photo album full of pictures, and there's no way he would throw that away. He also told me that he's not interested in remarrying, after all he's 64 and has to start thinking about retirement.

But that's beside the point. A human being so close went through a grievous event so large, and I didn't even notice.  Jack, for you I'm going to keep my eyes more open from now on.

June 5, 2011 - Prompt #5

Travel by Chris Guillebeau
If we live truly, we shall see truly.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

I want to visit New England for the changing of the colors, pick apples and make cider, maybe do a little antique shopping. I would spend time on a farm listening to the silence of falling snow and also make a trip into the big city - New York - to find out what all the fuss is about.  I will make that happen by telling everyone I know, then holding myself to that well-established expectation!

June 3, 2011 - Prompt #4

Post-it Question by Jenny Blake

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.

How do I help my son gain traction on his difficult new path to recovery?

June 2, 2011 - Prompt #3

One Strong Belief by Buster BensonIt is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

Hmm, this one is going to take some work. I'm a peace maker, consensus builder, harmony addict [chronically unfulfilled.] Perhaps I believe I am fleshier and more frightened than I let my friends and family see? And I actively live it, for better or worse, by hiding behind a big ol' smile?

This isn't the expected type of response, right? I'm supposed to say I'm a ferocious advocate of the Second Amendment or something, but I just don't cling to any polarizing political or social ideology. Of which I'm aware. Call me out if I'm wrong on this ...

June 1, 2011 - Prompt #2

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance


If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tracks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

Today I am at a fierce crossroads, with a scarier-than-usual choice between hope and hopelessness; tomorrow and each day after will be telling.